The Daily Hoopla

Announcement

2008-07-14T00:42:00.001-04:00

So I haven't been able to post in a month, but starting soon I will be blogging for my friend Walter's website. Check it out at www.internet-explorers.net. Have fun.

Happy Fathers Day

2008-06-15T22:29:00.002-04:00

Bad Day

2008-06-05T14:31:00.002-04:00

If your day isn't going your way, just be glad it didn't end like this guy's...

Still Out of Ideas

2008-05-27T21:25:00.005-04:00

So, I'm still out of ideas, but I decided it's finally time to force myself to write another blog. What better to write a blog on than the presidential election. I have two rants, and they affect both the Hillary-haters and the Hillary-supporters. Here it goes...

Point One: Hillary's Foot-in-Mouth Comment
Last week, practically every newspaper, cable news show, and magazine was saying something about Hillary's Clinton's invocation of RFK's assassination, and discussion over whether or not she implied that she's waiting for Barack Obama's assassination. Are you fucking kidding me? I don't even have the energy to argue this one, but I'll embed the video below and you can have a look for yourself. What Sen. Clinton said in no way implies anything about Obama being shot...

Point Two: Hillary's Bullshit Excuses
Excuses, excuses Hillary. Give it up. You're out. Sen. Clinton even went so far as to have her husband do the whining for her this past weekend; complaining that "nobody ever took her seriously" and that "she was counted out from the beginning." Just shut up with the lame-ass excuses and quit annoying us. We gave you a shot, and you lost. Looks like male supremacy has worked it's ingenious powers once again.

Need Ideas

2008-05-21T18:10:00.002-04:00

So I just realized that I haven't posted anything in over a week. I need some ideas.

McCain: A Time Machine

2008-05-13T20:49:00.003-04:00

What do a ball point pen, Plutonium, and both of Barack Obama's parents ahve in common? They're all younger than Republican Presidential Candidate John McCain. Yep, that's right. McCain was born before the pen was invented. Don't believe me, CLICK HERE, for you will see the wonders that behold. It turns out, there are very few things that are OLDER than John McCain.

Another One Bites the Dust

2008-05-13T16:10:00.006-04:00

It looks like I unfortunately lost a fellow Jew to the lies and atrocities of Atheism...oh, wait, he's one of the smartest men alive.

(See article "Childish Superstition" from The Guardian.)

There are some things that even I can't explain, Who do I look like, Einstein?

Food Porn

2008-05-10T00:32:00.002-04:00

Have you ever been convinced that the internet is just for porn? Well, if you love food, than that IS the case. I am convinced that this site is the Penthouse and the Playboy of food... seriously.

Taking Over the World

2008-05-09T16:07:00.005-04:00

If I ever tried to take over the world, I'm not sure where I'd start. Probably somewhere in Indo-China, but no matter how I do it, it would always involve a group of all-purpose items that I call the big five: a straight edged shovel, a box of Mike and Ikes, four gallons of bottled spring water, a steam roller, and a vegetable peeler.

Top 5: Ways To Piss of Teachers

2008-05-07T20:49:00.002-04:00

5. Staple essays on the bottom right-hand side.
4. Find faults in their grammar skills. (Works best on an English teacher)
3. Question everything they say.
2. Claim that they are picking favorites.
1. Complain about your grade when you already have an A.

Life Goals

2008-05-05T19:31:00.005-04:00

Now this is the right mentality...

Walter Hickey: if i could be any other nationality
Walter Hickey: it would prolly be jewish
Walter Hickey: or black.

Bamboozle

2008-05-04T21:59:00.006-04:00

mosh pits. hardcore dancing. crowd surfing. bruises. sunburn. $40 lunch. natasha getting lost. lesbians. it was a fun day.

Why Catholic School?

2008-05-01T21:56:00.005-04:00

So, as a Jewish kid, I often get asked why I went to Catholic school. Well, here are the main reasons:

- If I went to the public school in my town, I'd have spend 13 years with the same 70 kids in my class.
- If I went to a top magnet school in my area, Bergen Academies, I'd have school until 4pm every day.
- If I went to a Yeshiva, well, fuck it. I'm not THAT Jewish.

That's pretty much it. I also ended up going there because that's where my brother went and I sort of went by default.

Oh, and there was that Catholic school girl vibe from Britney's good days in my mind. Hit me baby one more time.

Summer Concerts

2008-04-30T22:21:00.004-04:00

So, I'm looking for some good concerts to go to this summer. I'm already going to see Crosby, Stills, and Nash in Central Park in July, but that fills my old-people concert quota. I need to find some other good concerts around here. Let me know if you have any ideas.

I just found out that I will probably be working for the Central Park Summerstage concerts this summer which is pretty cool. Now it's just a matter of transportation.

Political(ly Incorrect) Humor

2008-04-29T21:27:00.004-04:00

Thanks to my good friend (and resident anarchist) Walter, here is the most politically incorrect cute kitten picture that I have ever seen.

Pizza Mishap

2008-04-29T18:13:00.003-04:00

So, I ordered some grilled chicken pizza an hour or so ago and when the delivery guy came with the pizza, I gladly paid him and took the pizza. Only moments later did I realize that there was no grilled chicken on the pizza. After calling the pizza place back up, this is the conversation that I had:

Me: I placed an order an hour ago for a grilled chicken pizza and was delivered a cheese pizza.
Pizza Guy: Are you sure there is no chicken on it?
Me: Yes, I'm positive.
Pizza Guy: Can you just check under the cheese to make sure there's no chicken under the cheese?
Me: Are you serious?
Pizza Guy: Yes
Me: There is nothing on the pizza except cheese and sauce.
Pizza Guy: Alright, let me check your account.
Me: For what?
Pizza Guy: Please hold.
*2 minutes later*
Pizza Guy: Alright, I spoke to the cook. He didn't put grilled chicken on your pizza.
Me: I think we already established that.
Pizza Guy: So I'll credit your account.
Me: What about the pizza?
Pizza Guy: What do you mean?
Me: Are you going to send me a grilled chicken pizza?
Pizza Guy: Do you really want one?
Me: Well, I did order one.
Pizza Guy: Alright sir, we'll send one over.

Are You Fucking Kidding Me?

2008-04-29T15:28:00.004-04:00

So, as I was driving to school this morning, Elvis Duran read this lovely letter aloud. It's the first time I laughed out loud to Z100's morning show in weeks:

AN OPEN LETTER TO

MR. JAMES THATCHER,
BRAND MANAGER,
PROCTER & GAMBLE.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing?

As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in capri pants. This brings me to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period."

Are you fucking kidding me?

What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness- actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlza and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreens armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man. If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong"? Or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep.

Always.

Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin, TX

Rachael Before Makeup

2008-04-28T20:28:00.004-04:00

Thanks to my friend Michelle, here is a nice rare oil portrait of Rachael Ray without makeup.

Top 5: Things That Piss Me Off

2008-04-28T19:46:00.002-04:00

5. People who lie.
4. Rachael Ray
3. Guys who are assholes.
2. Al Sharpton
1. Wait, nevermind. Rachael Ray is number one.

Spontaneous Musical

2008-04-28T18:51:00.002-04:00

Just like Shakespeare said, all the world's a stage.

I Hate the Rain

2008-04-28T14:43:00.003-04:00

"Into each life, some rain must fall."
- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Rain sucks. Enough said.

Limited Time Offer

2008-04-27T22:01:00.003-04:00

If you comment any of my posts, I'll give you chocolate. Deal?

Here are the only two qualifications:
1. You must pay for shipping if I don't live near you.
2. No white chocolate will be given out. It's not even fucking chocolate. It should be called white wax.

Conflict of Interest

2008-04-27T21:36:00.003-04:00

It really sucks when a great opportunity comes along, and something else gets in the way of it. I really wish we never had to choose between one or another, but I guess that's life. But what are we supposed to choose: the thing that makes us happy or the thing that matters most to others? If only they could be one in the same.

Top 5: Reasons That Sundays Suck

2008-04-27T19:11:00.003-04:00

5. There is absolutely nothing to look forward to.
4. There is nothing on TV.
3. People feel obligated to not do anything.
2. I have to finish all of those "weekend chores" that I've been procrastinating with.
1. I have to get up at WHAT time tomorrow?

College Searching

2008-04-27T17:50:00.008-04:00

Can I just say that I still don't have to apply to college until the fall, and I'm already tired of everything! In case you were wondering, here are the colleges I am applying to (I still have to eliminate some). I'm looking at economics, business, and hospitality management programs:

Emory, UPenn, UNC at Chapel Hill, Johns Hopkins, Cornell, Carnegie Mellon, NYU, U. of Michigan, USC, U. of Rochester, Babson, Boston University, Syracuse, and Rutgers.

Kinky

2008-04-27T13:47:00.004-04:00

Sicko

2008-04-27T12:22:00.005-04:00

So recently in my ultra-conservative Catholic school English class, we watched Michael Moore’s documentary, Sicko. What I found interesting, wasn’t the movie itself, (which I had seen before) but rather the people in the class who would merely say, “Michael Moore is gay.” “Healthcare is a business. They have to make money.” “Michael Moore spreads communist propaganda.”

Alright, now I’m not the biggest Michael Moore fan in the world, but he does his job; he raises controversial topics to the point of significant public dialogue. I understand that healthcare is a business, but why should it be one of the few industries, ironically, that does not maintain reasonable ethical standards? Michael Moore is not a communist, he is a socialist. He agrees with social principles. I don’t think any stark capitalist would say that we should take away socialized military, socialized education, socialized postal services, socialized libraries, or socialized emergency response. So why, when it comes to healthcare…why, when it comes to our own livelihood, should we say that socializing an industry turns us into communists?

We shouldn’t.

Rubik's Cube

2008-04-27T11:26:00.003-04:00

Does anyone actually understand this tutorial? When it comes to Rubik's cubes, I prefer abstinence.

About Me

2008-04-27T10:17:00.005-04:00

So, just a little bit about myself before I make any more substantive posts:

I am currently a Junior at a private, all-boys Catholic high school in New Jersey. Despite this, I'm Jewish. (More on that later.) I am really into music and technology, considering they've always been a part of my life. I have played drums for seven years now and listen mostly to classic rock and indie rock. As for technology, well, I just enjoy it. I loves me some gadgets. Anything else you might want to know about me, you can probably just gather from all of the posts that I will be making, somewhat obsessively for the next few days.

Harold and Kumar

2008-04-27T10:02:00.004-04:00

I really want to go see Harold and Kumar Go to Guantanamo Bay, but I didn't have that option this weekend. At least I took the faithful pilgrimage to White Castle yesterday. I wasn't too hungry, but who doesn't love some sliders?

I Lied

2008-04-27T09:52:00.004-04:00

I was going to talk about myself in this next post, but I'd rather point out a YouTube video that I just saw. Kudos to this Brown University student and her friend for smashing pie in the face of New York Times reporter Thomas Friedman. Apparently, he is an advocate of biofuels, and the student who "pied" him wanted to raise awareness of the rising food prices as a result of increased biofuel use...and who said Nickelodeon couldn't influence a generation?

First Post

2008-04-27T09:40:00.000-04:00

I am starting this blog, mainly due to my enjoyment of reading other blogs. It should be quite random with my rants and raves about things going on in my life and around the world.

In my next post, I'll talk a little bit about who I am.